Not-so-typical everyday life!

I can't believe it's getting near my sixth month anniversary being here in Thailand! :) I'm so grateful for each day that the Lord has given me here. Sometimes, I giggle myself to sleep at night thinking about all the crazy stories of my experience here in this foreign country.

For instance, just a few days ago, I had the privilege of going out to dinner with a few friends and meeting a ministry that worked specifically with the Hmong. They're called HCC (Hmong Christian Connection), supported by Open Door Ministries in doing underground work for closed countries. Doua Her keeps introduced me to the group as a future employee (haha). They are in need of translators, and as interesting as the organization sounds, I have many doubts that I'll be able to work for them any time soon considering my young age and lack of experience (not to mention language deficiency in Hmong!). So anyway, the board/committee wanted Doua to translate something to the Open Doors missionary from the Phillippines (Ronald) but she didn't want to because it was about her being nominated by the entire board to be their chairperson for this year. Well, since I spoke English, they asked me to translate instead. But while one of the board members was telling me about this, I thought to myself, "Okay...I can understand every word (except for the Thai word they used for "chairperson") but I can't seem to remember what all else he said." lol. SO...in trying to translate, I summed up his three minute speech to ten seconds. After this happened, I thought to myself, "Wow! I have such a looong way to go!"

Also two weeks ago, I was blessed to be learning in an environment with other passionate missionaries and evangelists. Biola University decided to meet at Payap University this semester so it wasn't too far from my apartment. I saw a few old faces from last semester as well as made new friends--other Christian workers from around the world as well as right here in the city of Chiang Mai! I had the privilege of getting to know these amazing people along with their ministries in countries such as China, Taiwan, Cambodia, Singapore, Korea, the Phillippines, Nigeria, Canada, etc. Although it was for only a brief period of time, I can now say that I am more knowledgeable about doing qualitative research as well as using storytelling as an evangelistic tool. How cool is that? :) And it's so relevant, too, when many villages don't read and write often, even if they can, to hear these stories, see it played out in drama, remember them, and pass them down for generations to come.

Elisa and I stop for a picture outside of our classroom



"Ethnographic Research Methods" class
Top row: Joshua (Wonhyeok) Song, James Hung, Mark Syn, Dr. Rich Starcher, Paul (Ka Ming) Au, Jake Romaniello
Front row: Anne Alexander, Sunny Hong, Esther You, me, Haedy Liu, Lisa Hoff

This week has been quite busy for me. I've been trying to nail my assignments as soon as possible so that I can focus on ministry for the rest of this semester (last semester, I procrastinated for one class and it completely stressed me out--that's not going to happen again!). I also made a friend while going out to dinner one night. His name is Gladstone Robert and he's a priest from CSI (Church of Southern India), apparently the largest Protestant church in all of India! He hasn't seen much of Thailand so I took on the liberty to show him around a bit. We went to visit my tutor's Thai church, Krisjak Mae Nam Haeng Chiwit (the River of Life Church), on Sunday as well as the Sunday Night Market. It's been nice getting to know him, his family, and his career and ministry. Sometimes, I tend to forget that priests are normal, everyday people--the outfits they were on Sundays can be quite intimidating, don't you think? :) After all, two of my favorite undergrad professors are Anglican priests and they're as cool and laid back as anyone else.

Gladstone at the Sunday Market; my Thai tutor, Than, me, and Rev. Gladstone

Stopping for a picture with little Thai dancers at the Sunday Night Market!

I also went out with a team (or a class, I should say) from Minnesota with Dr. Jim Lewis of Bethel University. This group was learning about Religious traditions of Buddhism at Payap University. After hearing Dr. Lewis give a lecture about ethnic minorities from Vietnam, specifically the Hmong, we spoke about our dear friend, Doua. I was then invited with his class on exploring the the Hmong village of Nong Huay Mai. There, we watched Doua evangelize, heard her testimony, was welcomed by her friends into their home and heard their faith story, was served authentic Hmong food consisting of soup and stir-fry with rice, and returned home. It was very encouraging to see Dr. Lewis's passion for the Hmong.

Dr. Lewis, Doua Her, Meryl Lewis, me, and the class from Bethel University

Caitlyn and me in front of the mountains of the Hong Pong villages (there's three!)

Hmong meal of kale with pork soup, stir-fried cabbage with pork, and rice

Aside from doing homework, learning Thai, and meeting with friends for coffee, I finally had the opportunity to visit Yai See (one of the church members at Songsawang Church). She is a very sweet elderly lady who always keeps me company at church. When I arrived at her home yesterday, she was very happy to see me, despite the fact that she wasn't doing very well. There had been problems with her ankle, her eyes, her stomach, and with arthritus in her fingers and joints. She always tells me how painful it is. Plus, she recently told me how she had recently been involved in a motorbike accident and almost lost her life--but praise be to God, she's still alive! :) We had dinner together. I gave her a watermelon from the market, she gave me a few oranges and some clothes for winter that she had promised me earlier (even though the cold weather has for the most part already passed).

Visiting Yai See at her home

Yai See's daughter, Pah Raa Thanah

Mother and daughter

Counting My Blessings

At the Hmong New Year celebration with friends from CMA church

Christmas at Songsawang Church with Thai friends, Phii Yui, Nok, and Bo

Special songs being sung at the Christmas outreach at Songsawang Church


Girls from the Hmong Foundation leading games at an outreach Christmas event at a Hmong village

The Hmong Foundation's Christmas outreach to the community of Chiang Khong

30 December 2009

Counting My Blessings

Father God has been so good to me. His ways are so mysterious…I don’t understand why He works the way that He does, but I’m sure glad that He’s in control. I know without a doubt that without Him in my life, I would be a nervous wreck. Well…I still feel like a nervous wreck sometimes but at least I have the presence of an Almighty God at my side who can tip any situation in any direction He sees fit! I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right? ;)

Anyhow, the past few weeks have been some of the most stressful for me. I was finishing up on final research papers for my M.A. program, wrapping up English lessons at the church, joining events such as Christmas parties, Hmong New Celebrations, doing Christmas shopping, moving out on my own, mission board assignments, and then going to Chiang Khong and back. In fact, I just came back two days ago, had to rent a motorbike for the next month, learn the vocabulary to know how to rent it as well as how to find my way around town so I could get back home on my own. I ended up getting lost a few times in Chiang Mai but because God takes care of His children, I came back home safely! J I remember being on the road and thinking, What was my dad thinking when he let his little girl live in a foreign country by herself? Did he know that within five months time, she would get lost in a crazy city and not know enough of the language to find her way back home? It was also getting dark.

At that moment, I heard a voice that said, Yeah, but you’re here because of Me, aren’t you?

I answered, “…yeah…”

Then trust that I will get you home safely.

I paused, let out a deep breath, and thought to myself, Okay, I just need to trust…trust…wow, what an adventure! And with that, I smiled, looked up, and saw an officer approach me. I told him the area where I lived in which he lead the way for a few minutes and then gave me directions to get home (in Thai, of course). When I arrived in my room, I let out a BIG sigh of relief, got down on my knees, and praised God for His goodness! :)

The next day, I found that I had no money to get my next meal. I thought to myself, Wow…what am I going to do? Then again came that voice that whispered, trust. I also heard Him go on to say, Do you really think that I am going to let you go hungry? I was then reminded of a something I read in the book, Brushko, when the missionary in there said, “I’ve learned to expect my paycheck in the mail right when I need it.” So I thought, Okay, here goes to trust. I’ll just check my balance again online and if I have enough, I’ll withdraw what I need. So I checked it and voila! I had just enough to rent a motorbike (which is necessary where I live) along with a couple of meals to last me for a bit.

My whole experience here so far has been so strange…yet, because God continually shows me how His hand is at work, it has been the richest and by far the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. The other week, I had a cultural identity crisis (long story—if you want to know the details, just ask). I’m also finding that there are all kinds of insecurities in me popping up everywhere. It’s no wonder that mentors are recommended (and often times, deemed necessary according to some mission agencies). It’s also true what I’ve learned in my cross-cultural classes—that problems only seem to be magnified on the mission field. I’ve been evaluating many things that have occurred since my being here. I’ve learned that when God calls, you just have to go without delay and trust that He will equip you with everything you need to accomplish His will. Don’t get me wrong—I believe preparation is a very important factor in missions. However, with the unique scenario that I’ve been given, I’ve learned that you can’t let anything hold you back when God makes His calling clear.

May Father God be praised through the wonderful community that He has given me here. By His grace, I’m surrounded by the blessing of a rich Thai community, a rich Hmong community, and rich relationships with other missionaries as well who are going through the same struggles as I am. This past month, I started struggling with feelings of homesickness, especially during Christmas season. Yet, I cannot help but look around and be grateful for the new family I have right here in Thailand. Indeed, the Lord provides everything I need to accomplish His will. I keep in touch with my family back home quite often and am always grateful for their love and support. But I also know that this is a new season in my life where God is doing many things like I’ve never seen Him done before.

I am encouraged to be able to observe what my brothers and sisters in Christ are doing here for the Kingdom among their nonbelieving friends and neighbors. What joy it brings me to see them have enough love for their community to refrain from withholding a gift that is too precious to keep for themselves— the perfect gift of Jesus Christ from whom all true, pure love stems from and our sole source hope.

I am greatly strengthened by Romans 8:32 (HCSB):

“He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?”

What I like about this verse is that it doesn’t really pertain to financial gain, but it specifically refers to everything: spiritual, emotional, financial, and whatever other needs we have. It’s talking about God’s elect and the power given to us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Even the subheading before this verse, at least in the Holman Christian version, reads, “The Believer’s Triumph.” Amen, right? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. He is in control of our every circumstance and He deserves our undivided adoration and worship.

Let us then embrace this new year, being comforted by the fact that God our Father will never leave our side (Deut. 31:6).

Looking Ahead with Eyes of Faith

9 December 2009

Father God has always been so good to me. Even now, His faithfulness never lets me down. I let myself down all the time when I find that my memory fails or my abilities aren’t enough to accomplish something I fervently desire. Yet, praise be to God that He is perfect in ever y way and can always do the impossible.

Yesterday when I was in Bangkok getting an extension on my visa, I had irresponsibly left a very important document that was necessary for the process—my work permit. Because I had to get it done that very day, I had to pay a fortune for a friend to bring it up from Chiang Mai by plane. Consequently, I was very upset because I was already on a tight budget and more importantly, I was not being a faithful steward of the resources that God has provided for me.
Coincidentally, however, the night before, I was praying to the Lord and said, “God, I want to see Your mighty power. I want to see Your hand move in my life. Please bring me to such a reliance on You that I will have to get on my knees and face before You.” Right after I said that, I had a feeling that Satan was listening in and said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see how much faith you have in your God.” It was from that moment on that I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. And sure enough, when I was already on the bus on my way to Bangkok, I realized that I had left my work permit in my room.

Even though my lawyer already had copies of it, it wouldn’t suffice for the original. And even after my friend, Phii Nok, brought the work permit to me in Bangkok, the office claimed that they might not be able to do the one-year extension since it was supposed to be done in that morning (apparently the afternoon was too late). Needless to say, I was very upset—but then again, what could I do? The only thing I could do was pray and ask that God would be sovereign over the entire situation and do what He sees fit.

On another note, I’ve been caught up in many problems of my own—so much that I can barely see anything beyond them. My tasks are piling up on me like crazy and I’m finding that the smallest things are increasingly getting on my nerves. Is this what’s supposed to happen in the fourth month to missionaries? Whatever the case, I was certainly throwing myself a pity-party. The day before yesterday, I was at a friend’s house for a Christmas gathering. There were many new faces, most of which already had a good amount of cross-cultural experience to which I can relate. However, in my sad state, I did not feel like talking or getting to know anyone. I was completely not in the mood to put a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. Concerning this, God gave me some verses this morning that has greatly encouraged my heart:

“For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17-18).

“Moses left Egypt behind not being afraid of the King’s anger, for he persevered, as one who sees Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27).

It’s just so difficult right now with changes that are coming up ahead very soon. The more need I’m finding here, the more difficult I find it is to discern God’s calling for me. After all, His Word does say, “Where I am, there my servant also will be,” and not the other way around. It’s tempting to simply make my own plans and ask the Lord to bless them. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is really for God or if it’s just for the feeling of knowing that I’m doing something good in the world, regardless of His hand in it or not. It’s certainly by His grace that I’m kept from deviating onto the path of Humanism—but I can’t help but wonder if my being here in Thailand is really making a difference in the Kingdom. Am I here to serve the needs of man, all of which are temporary, or am I here because an Almighty God has called me to make an eternal difference in the lives of His children here [in Thailand]?

One thing I know for sure: God has definitely called me here for His purposes. All that I’ve gone through so far and all that awaits me ahead are things that He’s using to purify me for His will. He’s training me and making sure my heart is in the right place before He can entrust me to take on bigger tasks. I simply need to be humble and obedient, trusting that my life isn’t determined by circumstances that change all the time, but God’s constant power working through them to magnify His strength and glory through my weaknesses. And now then, even when my own understanding can’t be trusted (Prov. 3:15-16), and even though I need to abandon the habit of planning out every detail of my life and to resist the urge to flee in the midst of the slightest problems, I merely ask the Lord to show me His paths of righteousness, His commandments and statutes, that I may walk in them, delight in them, trust in Him, and give Him the glory due to His name all the days of my life.

Psalm 16:5 (Hmong Translation)

Tus Tswv, Koj yog txhua yam uas kuv muaj, thiab Koj pub txhua yam uas kuv xav tau rau kuv; kuv lub neej yav tom ntej nyob hauv Koj lub xibteb.

Lord, You are everything that I have and You give me everything that I need; my future is in Your hands.

Some thoughts after a recent visit to a Hmong village...

Doua Her leading a woman to Christ: It took more than half a day of talking and spending time with this woman to convince her that ignorance and family relations shouldn't be a barrier for her to make the decision to put her hope in Christ

A typical Hmong house in the village made of bamboo and sticks

This girl not more than four years old was baby-sitting her baby brother by carrying him on her back around town

Going to the Hmong village with Doua Her has been such a wonderful experience. She is truly a wonderful woman of God and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. When we talk, she has so many stories and experiences to reflect on that it’s amazing how she never runs out! Haha. I love having conversations with her. It’s like talking with a long time friend—you just never get tired of talking about God’s faithfulness and how He has worked in your lives as well as your loved ones.

One thing that really caught my attention was how hospitable many Hmong villagers are—they’ll invite you to sit down, eat, and would talk about anything for the longest time. You can keep talking with them about the many problems and hardships that they have faced in life and you can tell them about Christ, but before they are willing to accept Him as Lord and Savior, most of the time I’ve heard them say that they’re going to wait first for whatever reason. I think it usually has to do with their relatives since making such a big decision usually involves not only the individual, but their family and clan as well. Never before had Luke 9:59-61 made any more sense than now:

He [Jesus] said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."
Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family."

I had always thought to myself, What’s the big deal if you let them go and say good-bye to their family first? There’s no harm in that, right? Obviously, Jesus knew that if they went, they would never make the critical decision of following him. I heard a preacher say once that the man who wanted to bury his father didn’t mean that his father was already dead at the time. He wanted to first wait for the death of his father, bury him, and then, if he still wanted to, he’ll put his faith in Jesus. And believe me, I’ve heard many Hmong people (even in the States) say that before! “Oh, so and so doesn’t really approve of Jesus so I’m going to wait for him/her to die first and then I’ll believe.” Another important thing to note is that in the Hmong culture, it’s rude to say no to someone who makes a request. Therefore, even if you’re not going to do something, you just tell them that you’re going to do it (to save the other person face) and then they’ll find out later that you didn’t mean it.

In my personal opinion, it seems that the Hmong like to stay in their comfort zone. Perhaps that’s why for the past century and a half, as far as our historical documents date back in the mid 1800s, it’s been noted that we are a hill-tribe minority that prefer to live in the mountains, carrying on the traditional life of farming as our ancestors did before us. Even some Hmong videos that I have watched before interviewed a couple of teenagers in Laos. They said that the elders refused to allow them go to go school because no one would help them work in the fields nor would they have anyone to look after them in their old age. And, with the youth marrying at such a young age, they are likely to start a family and farm just like everyone else. When your culture tells you who you’re going to be and exactly how you’re going to do it, more than likely, you will to fit into that mold like everyone else—not to mention the fact that it’s also rude to speak otherwise against your elders.

But don’t get me wrong—it’s not entirely the elders’ fault. It’s difficult for the youth to have motivation as well. For those who aren’t used to having an education, getting used to the process of studying and turning in homework at a certain time may be quite a challenge. It’s also good to keep in mind that hill-tribe kids, even here in Thailand, do not have the opportunity at such a young age to develop motor skills by participating in various activities. Many times when I’ve asked a couple youth in the villages about obtaining a higher education, many have said, “Oh, it’s too hard...all the studying hurts my head. I’m better off working in the fields…” I just want to yell, “No, it’s not! You can do it! Just pray and God will help you make it through! That’s how I did it! Otherwise, I would have never been able to finish the way I did…”

Still, leading a modern life may be a difficult concept to grasp for those who are not motivated. Change in one’s lifestyle, being away from family, relatives, and friends, everything you’ve ever known, and having to learn another language to get around in the bigger cities just may be too much for anyone to handle.

Yet, I can’t help but ask myself how relevant their lifestyle is compared to the fact that they are truly living joyously for Jesus right where they are. So what if they never get to enjoy the same lifestyle I have? Are they truly enjoying their lives with the peace, joy, and freedom that only the Holy Spirit can give them? And are they truly committed to the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength and living according to all that God demands of them? If that’s the case, then nothing else should matter.

Yet, there are just such strong barriers that are keeping the Gospel from penetrating the culture. Stubborn bonds of following ancient tradition, religion, and culture keep many from pondering the truth for themselves—they simply follow what has been because it’s simply easier.
I mean, being “led as a flock of sheep to slaughter” doesn’t seem to be as costly as someone taking a stand against the crowd and taking the beating, suffering, and hardship that comes with it (despite the fact that this person may be working toward a cause that might possibly stop all the sheep from facing such an untimely death altogether). If figures such as Martin Luther, James Hudson Taylor, Martin Luther King Jr., and especially Jesus Christ, hadn’t stood up against this crown mentality, who knows how pitiful our lives would be today?

Many Hmong leaders have met before and discussed why the Hmong are the way that they are—why, after so many years of hard labor in the mountains, why they are still impoverished, destitute, and uneducated. I am reminded of the old saying, “If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results.” How similar is that mentality to those of us who live in the States, who seek only our own comfort in this life with the mindset of “the survival of the fittest”?

I am now absolutely convinced that no matter where you are or what you do, if it’s not compelled by a genuine love from God for God and for your neighbor, then whatever you do or wherever you are, whether rich or poor, comfortable or not, you’re useless and you’re going to be tossed in the fire along with all the chaff when He gathers His wheat into the barn (Matt. 3:17).

Is the Honeymoon Stage Over?

Yes! It's been just a little over three months since I've been here. God has worked amazing miracles in my life over here so far...more than I'll probably comprehend in this lifetime. Trust has been a major factor in our relationship. It always seemed like something was going on...I was never fully able to be still. Even now, as my tire went flat on the motorcycle this morning and I had to walk to a nearby repair shop, I stopped and noticed the beautiful scenery around me. The trees and vegetation around me still seemed as green as ever--but they were noticeably brighter for me today. Seeing palm trees used to make me happy in the States. They're quite common here so I don't really pay much mind to them anymore...but when I do, they make me smile again^^

There's just been so much going on inside my head lately. I feel like it'll take me quite some time to sort through it all and figure out everything. Even in times where I had the opportunity to chat with friends and talk, I find myself speechless. Why? I don't really know...I've just been contemplating a lot about all that has happened and all that might lay ahead for me in the near future. Many times, I wonder why my life is the way that it is. It hurts when some who are so dear and close to me, and have been Christian role models in my life, don't even consider what I'm doing right now as a living.

I have often thought about what I would be doing if I was still in the States. I would probably get a normal job, probably at a clothing store for part-time work or some office job since I've had some experience with that. However, I don't think that my life would have the same meaning as it would today if God hadn't led me here. And yes!! I'm sure of that now--it was truly God who led me here because so many things could have gone wrong. And it always seemed like the doors were closing, but they would open at the last second. You've got to love how God works! :) I'm glad He makes us so dependent on Him.

Things are consistently changing. I have really come to know that I can't put my hope in anything else in this world except God alone--not people, not money, and especially not my own ability. I heard a quote the other day that said, "God makes Himself manifest in those who would otherwise never be able to make it on their own." I laughed out loud and thought to myself, Well, if that's the case, that I must be really sad then! But it makes me glad because I know that I would never trade that joy that I have today for anything else in the entire world. I'm glad that I'm weak because then God can fill me with His strength and allow me to experience the joy that comes with trusting in His provision, trusting in His abilities, and trusting that everything will be okay even if the situation seems dark on every side. Praise be to God who always triumphs over evil! "Light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it!" -John 1:5.

People have told me before that I was stupid for striving for such a job as being a missionary. They've seen how ambitious I was and how hard I tried keeping my grades up. Yet, when they hear about my dream job, they look down at me in disgust as if I was a beggar on the streets. I've got to be honest--anyone who is in their right mind (in the world's eyes) would not choose a career as a missionary. I've convinced myself that if I was to try and obtain self-glory, I would have chosen a better method. Yet, praise be to God that I'm not in my right mind (in the world's eyes) because my mind has been renewed through Christ (Rom. 12:2)! It's Him who works through me and it's Him in whom I have my living, my moving, my being! It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me...

One last verse that has encouraged me is this: "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up." -Galatians 6:9

Growing in Grace

Yesterday, someone close to me said something that really hurt me. It sent me into waves of confusion because this person had become very close and dear to me since the time that I arrived here. Yet, what this person said had so completely shaken my thoughts that I was shocked and baffled at the character that was shown through the words that were spoken. Without even thinking, I barked back but realized immediately that that was the wrong kind of response. Therefore, I softened my tone as I went on and even tried to add some humor into it. Thankfully, the other person didn't seem to be affected by it at all--but as for the hurtful comment that was given to me, it stayed on my mind all day. I finally gave it to the Lord in prayer that night and just this morning, He answered with me from Colossians 3:12-15:

“Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive. Above all, put on love—the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body, control your hearts. Be thankful.”

God is so faithful--He always encourages me right when I need it. I shouldn't forget the fact that before I came to Christ, I had so maliciously mistreated Him with words from my own mouth as well. Nevertheless, He has given us "redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace” (Ephesians 1:7). God is good, amen? Let us learn from the example that He has already set for us, and let us be quick to forgive, slow to speak, slow to anger, and be graceful with the tongue that God has given us.

"Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things should not be this way. Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening?" -James 3:10-11

I'm reminded of a lesson I learned in marriage and counseling (for the few days that I was in there). The instructor said that when your spouse suddenly speaks harshly to you, you should answer back with a gentle, softer tone to avoid unnecessary arguments. It surprises me sometimes how, if people would just read the Bible and live according to its principles, they would be able to exhibit such character that is often published in best-selling books today.

3 months!

One more week and it's been three months since I've been here. I can't believe I lasted that long! j/k. But it's hard to believe...it seems as if time just flew on by. Yet, I remember lying awake many sleepless nights pondering many questions about life:

Do I have a purpose here? And if so, how does that show itself to others?
Am I ever going to get the language down?
If ministry doesn't work out the way that I thought it would, should I keep going?
What kind of things is God trying to teach me about myself?
How can I get more involved with the people and the culture?
Would I be burning myself out too much?
What kind of things is okay to pamper myself with and what things would be considered a stumbling block to others?
How much should I care about what others think anyway?
What is God trying to teach me in His Word right now?
Am I spending enough time with Him?

The other night, I was challenged by the Holy Spirit to ask for trials and tribulations to strengthen my faith. I hesitated because they can make me so weak. I wouldn't have hesitated if I was living comfortably in States. Yet, I just feel so tested here that I don't know if I can go on--even then, praise be to God, because His strength is perfected in weakness, amen? I came across this song on Youtube that was sung quite often at the TCC Youth revival (Trinity Christian Church) in Minnesota just a week before I came. Its lyrics have spoken more depth to me since I've been here and describes perfectly all the strugglings I'm facing right now and how God continually uses that to draw me closer to Him:

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame

Chorus:
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Praise be to God in all circumstances. Some things are driving me crazy because I know that I'm losing control over them. For instance, people are just so relaxed with time here. I've been wanting a solidified schedule but it has yet to happen! Another thing is the food factor. I'm used to having control over my diet--over the past years, I've been more in tune with what my body wants and doesn't want. But here, right now, with the family I'm staying with, I eat what they eat which is for the most part pretty healthy but sometimes, they only have some fattening snacks in place of a meal or some meals are skipped (which happens quite often) and that makes my body go haywire! lol. It's not a serious health problem or anything--just something I feel uncomfortable with because I like eating mostly healthy food. Another thing is simply having my own independence to go anywhere I want and do anything I want. I haven't obtained that privilege yet because I am not familiar with the language, taxi service, or the city map yet. I only ask right now that God would deal with my stubborness as He sees fit and help me to gradually learn the process of how things should be done. 1 Thessalonais 5:16-22 has encouraged me greatly:

"Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Don't stifle the Spirit. Don't despise prophesies, but test all things. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every form of evil."

I've taped two pieces of paper above the head of my bed that says, "Rejoice Always!" as a constant reminder of thanksgiving to the Lord. It's so difficult when things are different and it's simply something you just have to get used to--it's out of your control, you know? I mean, what else can you do? So, with this being said, praise be to God in all circumstances.