Thursday, November 12, 2009

Is the Honeymoon Stage Over?

Yes! It's been just a little over three months since I've been here. God has worked amazing miracles in my life over here so far...more than I'll probably comprehend in this lifetime. Trust has been a major factor in our relationship. It always seemed like something was going on...I was never fully able to be still. Even now, as my tire went flat on the motorcycle this morning and I had to walk to a nearby repair shop, I stopped and noticed the beautiful scenery around me. The trees and vegetation around me still seemed as green as ever--but they were noticeably brighter for me today. Seeing palm trees used to make me happy in the States. They're quite common here so I don't really pay much mind to them anymore...but when I do, they make me smile again^^

There's just been so much going on inside my head lately. I feel like it'll take me quite some time to sort through it all and figure out everything. Even in times where I had the opportunity to chat with friends and talk, I find myself speechless. Why? I don't really know...I've just been contemplating a lot about all that has happened and all that might lay ahead for me in the near future. Many times, I wonder why my life is the way that it is. It hurts when some who are so dear and close to me, and have been Christian role models in my life, don't even consider what I'm doing right now as a living.

I have often thought about what I would be doing if I was still in the States. I would probably get a normal job, probably at a clothing store for part-time work or some office job since I've had some experience with that. However, I don't think that my life would have the same meaning as it would today if God hadn't led me here. And yes!! I'm sure of that now--it was truly God who led me here because so many things could have gone wrong. And it always seemed like the doors were closing, but they would open at the last second. You've got to love how God works! :) I'm glad He makes us so dependent on Him.

Things are consistently changing. I have really come to know that I can't put my hope in anything else in this world except God alone--not people, not money, and especially not my own ability. I heard a quote the other day that said, "God makes Himself manifest in those who would otherwise never be able to make it on their own." I laughed out loud and thought to myself, Well, if that's the case, that I must be really sad then! But it makes me glad because I know that I would never trade that joy that I have today for anything else in the entire world. I'm glad that I'm weak because then God can fill me with His strength and allow me to experience the joy that comes with trusting in His provision, trusting in His abilities, and trusting that everything will be okay even if the situation seems dark on every side. Praise be to God who always triumphs over evil! "Light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it!" -John 1:5.

People have told me before that I was stupid for striving for such a job as being a missionary. They've seen how ambitious I was and how hard I tried keeping my grades up. Yet, when they hear about my dream job, they look down at me in disgust as if I was a beggar on the streets. I've got to be honest--anyone who is in their right mind (in the world's eyes) would not choose a career as a missionary. I've convinced myself that if I was to try and obtain self-glory, I would have chosen a better method. Yet, praise be to God that I'm not in my right mind (in the world's eyes) because my mind has been renewed through Christ (Rom. 12:2)! It's Him who works through me and it's Him in whom I have my living, my moving, my being! It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me...

One last verse that has encouraged me is this: "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up." -Galatians 6:9

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