Looking Ahead with Eyes of Faith

9 December 2009

Father God has always been so good to me. Even now, His faithfulness never lets me down. I let myself down all the time when I find that my memory fails or my abilities aren’t enough to accomplish something I fervently desire. Yet, praise be to God that He is perfect in ever y way and can always do the impossible.

Yesterday when I was in Bangkok getting an extension on my visa, I had irresponsibly left a very important document that was necessary for the process—my work permit. Because I had to get it done that very day, I had to pay a fortune for a friend to bring it up from Chiang Mai by plane. Consequently, I was very upset because I was already on a tight budget and more importantly, I was not being a faithful steward of the resources that God has provided for me.
Coincidentally, however, the night before, I was praying to the Lord and said, “God, I want to see Your mighty power. I want to see Your hand move in my life. Please bring me to such a reliance on You that I will have to get on my knees and face before You.” Right after I said that, I had a feeling that Satan was listening in and said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see how much faith you have in your God.” It was from that moment on that I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. And sure enough, when I was already on the bus on my way to Bangkok, I realized that I had left my work permit in my room.

Even though my lawyer already had copies of it, it wouldn’t suffice for the original. And even after my friend, Phii Nok, brought the work permit to me in Bangkok, the office claimed that they might not be able to do the one-year extension since it was supposed to be done in that morning (apparently the afternoon was too late). Needless to say, I was very upset—but then again, what could I do? The only thing I could do was pray and ask that God would be sovereign over the entire situation and do what He sees fit.

On another note, I’ve been caught up in many problems of my own—so much that I can barely see anything beyond them. My tasks are piling up on me like crazy and I’m finding that the smallest things are increasingly getting on my nerves. Is this what’s supposed to happen in the fourth month to missionaries? Whatever the case, I was certainly throwing myself a pity-party. The day before yesterday, I was at a friend’s house for a Christmas gathering. There were many new faces, most of which already had a good amount of cross-cultural experience to which I can relate. However, in my sad state, I did not feel like talking or getting to know anyone. I was completely not in the mood to put a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. Concerning this, God gave me some verses this morning that has greatly encouraged my heart:

“For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17-18).

“Moses left Egypt behind not being afraid of the King’s anger, for he persevered, as one who sees Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27).

It’s just so difficult right now with changes that are coming up ahead very soon. The more need I’m finding here, the more difficult I find it is to discern God’s calling for me. After all, His Word does say, “Where I am, there my servant also will be,” and not the other way around. It’s tempting to simply make my own plans and ask the Lord to bless them. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is really for God or if it’s just for the feeling of knowing that I’m doing something good in the world, regardless of His hand in it or not. It’s certainly by His grace that I’m kept from deviating onto the path of Humanism—but I can’t help but wonder if my being here in Thailand is really making a difference in the Kingdom. Am I here to serve the needs of man, all of which are temporary, or am I here because an Almighty God has called me to make an eternal difference in the lives of His children here [in Thailand]?

One thing I know for sure: God has definitely called me here for His purposes. All that I’ve gone through so far and all that awaits me ahead are things that He’s using to purify me for His will. He’s training me and making sure my heart is in the right place before He can entrust me to take on bigger tasks. I simply need to be humble and obedient, trusting that my life isn’t determined by circumstances that change all the time, but God’s constant power working through them to magnify His strength and glory through my weaknesses. And now then, even when my own understanding can’t be trusted (Prov. 3:15-16), and even though I need to abandon the habit of planning out every detail of my life and to resist the urge to flee in the midst of the slightest problems, I merely ask the Lord to show me His paths of righteousness, His commandments and statutes, that I may walk in them, delight in them, trust in Him, and give Him the glory due to His name all the days of my life.

Psalm 16:5 (Hmong Translation)

Tus Tswv, Koj yog txhua yam uas kuv muaj, thiab Koj pub txhua yam uas kuv xav tau rau kuv; kuv lub neej yav tom ntej nyob hauv Koj lub xibteb.

Lord, You are everything that I have and You give me everything that I need; my future is in Your hands.