3 months!

One more week and it's been three months since I've been here. I can't believe I lasted that long! j/k. But it's hard to believe...it seems as if time just flew on by. Yet, I remember lying awake many sleepless nights pondering many questions about life:

Do I have a purpose here? And if so, how does that show itself to others?
Am I ever going to get the language down?
If ministry doesn't work out the way that I thought it would, should I keep going?
What kind of things is God trying to teach me about myself?
How can I get more involved with the people and the culture?
Would I be burning myself out too much?
What kind of things is okay to pamper myself with and what things would be considered a stumbling block to others?
How much should I care about what others think anyway?
What is God trying to teach me in His Word right now?
Am I spending enough time with Him?

The other night, I was challenged by the Holy Spirit to ask for trials and tribulations to strengthen my faith. I hesitated because they can make me so weak. I wouldn't have hesitated if I was living comfortably in States. Yet, I just feel so tested here that I don't know if I can go on--even then, praise be to God, because His strength is perfected in weakness, amen? I came across this song on Youtube that was sung quite often at the TCC Youth revival (Trinity Christian Church) in Minnesota just a week before I came. Its lyrics have spoken more depth to me since I've been here and describes perfectly all the strugglings I'm facing right now and how God continually uses that to draw me closer to Him:

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame

Chorus:
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Praise be to God in all circumstances. Some things are driving me crazy because I know that I'm losing control over them. For instance, people are just so relaxed with time here. I've been wanting a solidified schedule but it has yet to happen! Another thing is the food factor. I'm used to having control over my diet--over the past years, I've been more in tune with what my body wants and doesn't want. But here, right now, with the family I'm staying with, I eat what they eat which is for the most part pretty healthy but sometimes, they only have some fattening snacks in place of a meal or some meals are skipped (which happens quite often) and that makes my body go haywire! lol. It's not a serious health problem or anything--just something I feel uncomfortable with because I like eating mostly healthy food. Another thing is simply having my own independence to go anywhere I want and do anything I want. I haven't obtained that privilege yet because I am not familiar with the language, taxi service, or the city map yet. I only ask right now that God would deal with my stubborness as He sees fit and help me to gradually learn the process of how things should be done. 1 Thessalonais 5:16-22 has encouraged me greatly:

"Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Don't stifle the Spirit. Don't despise prophesies, but test all things. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every form of evil."

I've taped two pieces of paper above the head of my bed that says, "Rejoice Always!" as a constant reminder of thanksgiving to the Lord. It's so difficult when things are different and it's simply something you just have to get used to--it's out of your control, you know? I mean, what else can you do? So, with this being said, praise be to God in all circumstances.