Going, Going, Gone!

11 February 2010

Blessings—One After Another

Praise the Lord for His never ending faithfulness! These past few weeks, I have been incredibly busy, going from one place after another, making new friends and visiting old ones. The following is a brief list of where I went and what I did these past three weeks:

Doi Pui—graduation party, sight-seeing

Chiang Mai—English party at Songsawang Church

Chiang Khong--Hmong Foundation

Chiang Rai—Christian Paisanat School

Doi Saket--Hmong/Thai wedding at CMA headquarters

Phayao—CMA camp at the village, San Thi Suk

Mae Pow—Wisut’s house

Why in the world did I do so much, you ask? Well, it turns out that I’m leaving for the States in March. Yes, I’m leaving… *sigh* :’( But I’ll be back soon, Lord willingly! I will be in California, meeting with the mission board about goals, objectives, and steps to take in reaching out to the Hmong by the Hmong. I plan to take a few months off to fundraise for immediate needs here in Thailand and to prepare for long-term stay. Exciting, isn’t it? It’s not easy, but I trust that if this is the direction the Lord wants to take us, He will work out the fine details.

“The Lord will fight for you—you only need to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

I have only one problem—and this is where you come in! I need help in raising support for the following immediate need:

A plane ticket (I don’t have enough to come back yet, but I need to make it to the board meeting in March! I found a great two-way deal on China Airlines and need only two or three hundred left!)

Make your checks out to:

Trinity Christian Headquarters

1028 P. Street Sanger, CA 93657

**make sure that you write on the memo line that it's for "Mydur Xiong" :) Thanks, and may you be blessed for your generous heart!

Let the Lord’s will be done!

God, if it’s pleasing to You, please send me back home so I can get some things organized with the mission board and get a clear focus on what You want us to do before I come back to Thailand again!

Doi Pui-Graduation Party, Sight-seeing

Because of our rural background, education is highly valued in the Hmong culture. Every time someone graduates, whether it may be in high school or a doctoral program, the family almost always celebrates this special occasion with a huge feast. I tagged along with Doua Her in joining a family in the village of Doi Pui, a tourist attraction known for its beautiful flower gardens and Hmong heritage. Many of these flowers, called “yeeb” (yeng) in the Hmong language, were harvested for opium in the past. Now that it has been banned in Thailand, however, these plants are only for landscape purposes.

Celebrating with graduates at their home in Doi Pui

The mother of the graduates is the only Christian in her family. Please pray that God will use her as a light to reach out to the rest of her family members with the love that can only be found in Jesus Christ.

Praying God's blessings upon them

Stopping to take photos at the flower garden

I'm standing here with Doua Her and her adopted daughter, Kue. She is handicapped, in that her legs are stunted and she walks on her arms. Praise God, He saved her from committing suicide. She is now going to school, getting a high school degree, and learning how to sew.

Onlooking the village of Doi Pui below

Chiang Mai—English Party

English classes ended in December but I never had a good opportunity to celebrate and have proper closure with the students. We sang songs, had cake, chips, donut holes, and dinner together. The overall experience, though mistakes were sometimes made, has been a positive one. I taught English for the first time in my life, learned teaching techniques, established relationships, and simply had a lot of fun. I will miss them all terribly!

Going over the past songs we learned in class

Celebrating the end of our class with cake and goodies! Yummm.... :)

They're all so precious...I will miss them so much!

Chiang Khong—Hmong Foundation, Pishon Church

What a blessed group! Every time I make a visit to Chiang Khong, I always stay longer than expected because I simply don’t want to leave! Plans are changing here at the Foundation—the children at the hostel are preparing for their end-of-course exams and leave in March for their summer break, Susan is leaving on furlough, and Somboon is focusing on Pishon Church in reaching out to their community. Everyone here always lifts up my spirits and encourages me when I see them worshipping the Lord with their hearts, evangelizing to the greater community, and praying hand-in-hand for the Lord’s guidance in their lives.

Ready to take off after church!

Left to right: Phii Nai, Cho, Sai, Mone

The church band, consisting of Somboon's younger brother Chai and two youths from local villages

Visitors from Korea stop by Pishon Church

I joined with Kia in encouraging the believers in the village of Baan Muang Gan (they don't have a church in the village)

Goong (Paj Nyiag) pausing to take a picture with the kids

While Kia and I did our thing, the girls from the hostels played with and evangelized to the children

Susan wrapping up her English lessons with the teens from the hostel

KIA!! I'm going to miss you!

Kia, who has been working as the head of the girls' hostel, is leaving to fulfill God's calling for her to pastor the church in her home village

Chiang Rai—Reunion at Christian Paisanat School

On my way back to Chiang Mai, I made a pit stop in Chiang Rai where I reunited with the place of my internship in the summer of ’08: Christian Paisanat School, a Christian boarding school for hill-tribe children from kindergarten to 9th grade. What an amazing experience this was! I met up with old friends and was greatly encouraged when I found that I was more able to speak to the staff and children there in Thai (whereas last time, I could barely say anything)! Language can be such a barrier, but praise be to God, He’s helping me gradually crack away at it!

Phii Ben and Phii Jong, the staff members I worked with during my internship in the summer of '08

The small boys' dorm--where I spent much of my time during my internship

Chris and Esther Hoagland along with their children, Joshua, and Jasmine! Like a second family to me. What a blessing it was to spend time with them again!

This was my best buddy at Christian Paisanat School! His name is Phijit--the best behaved and sweetest boy on campus!

Doi Saket—Hmong/Thai Christian Wedding
A young Hmong Christian woman got married to a young Thai man whom she converted. Their wedding was held at the CMA headquarters in Doi Saket. This was the first wedding I have attended since being here in Thailand. And just like the Hmong in the States, the members of their congregation all helped by chipping in their share: those who knew how to work with flowers decorated the church, those who knew how to play instruments and/or sing created a band, and those who knew how to cook catered for the reception party afterwards. The communal bond within the Hmong people still catches me by surprise sometimes.


After the reception, however, everyone encouraged me to join a group of girls in catching the bouquet. So I said, “Well, why not? It’s just for fun and it’s nothing but superstition, right?” So I joined, and when the bouquet came flying in my direction, my heart pounded, I was gripped with fear, and I quickly turned away to allow Pang, the girl behind me, to catch it. She looked at me and said, “What?! Why did you do that?!” I turned and all the onlookers said, “We KNOW it was headed in your direction, Mydur. Why didn’t you catch it?” I responded by saying, “I…uh…I…just got scared.” LOL!! I don’t know of anyone else who has this problem, but you’d be surprised to know that this is the second time I avoided a bouquet that was headed straight in my direction. I’m honestly not sure why I’m so afraid…perhaps the mere thought of marriage and family overwhelms me with expectations of a Proverbs 31 woman. I mean, those are some pretty big shoes to fill, don’t you think? *Sigh* You’ve got to love weddings and how it makes you think about these things!

Doua and I pose with Ntxhais (Xai) and her new husband at the CMA headquarters

This is the Hmong outfit Doua lent me for the wedding (น่ารักดี โน?) :)

Visiting with Pastor Txawj Pe and his wife at their beautiful home in Doi Saket

Phayao—Church camp

Sight-seeing, fellowshipping, teaching from the Bible, how can it get any better? I traveled with a Doua Her, Wisut, and Lee Her (a Hmong missionary) to the Hmong village of San Thi Suk where one of the CMA churches was held. We spent the night at Pastor Toua’s house where there was almost no electricity—only two small light bulbs that kept flipping on and off due to the generator in the village (when the villagers use too much electricity, it goes out temporarily). After spending so many nights in my comfortable apartment in the city of Chiang Mai, I had almost forgotten what it was like to go without the convenience of running water and electricity. We cooked dinner in a pot over a propane stove and ate it hot-pot style—each person had their own plate of rice and, using spoons, scooped the main course from the one pot.

San Thi Suk Alliance Church

Hot-pot dinner, consisting of "thooj laj" with pork soup and rice (and pepper, of course!)

Three Hmong-American missionaries enjoying an authentic Hmong dinner at an authentic Hmong home: Doua Her, me, and Lee Her, the only other Hmong missionaries I know of here in Thailand (we're all 20 years apart, each marking a different generation)

I want to say that I had a good time but everyone there spoke the green (a.k.a. blue) dialect of the Hmong language, plus, added a good number of Thai words here and there that I often felt lost in the conversation. I think a lot of Hmong Americans can relate—when we’re listening to a conversation in Hmong, we kind of get the jist of it, but because we’re not familiar with total immersion in the language, our minds tend to wander and before you know it, the conversation has traveled somewhere else and you have no idea how it got there! This is a good reminder of how much more language learning I need to undertake. This is the order in which my language learning needs to take priority:

Thai—Central dialect
Thai—Northern dialect
Hmong—White dialect
Hmong—Green dialect

Lord, have mercy!

We then traveled to a nearby camping site where we stayed for the night. The theme was, How to Avoid Being a Lukewarm Christian. Amazing, isn’t it? While the adults listened to Doua teach from the Bible, Wisut and I led the children in songs and activities.

Phii Wisut and I lead the children in songs and games

Pastor Toua of San Thi Suk village leads worship

Eating dinner: wild game (chicken, some bamboo-eating rat, and fish) (haha, sorry, I don't know the name of that rat in English...but it wasn't tasty)

Doua Her teaching on lukewarmness and how spouses should treat one another.

I've heard her teaching numerous times on this topic and I never tire of it.

Afterwards, the children begged us to take them hiking on the mountain. As it turns out, there was a cave up there, too, fully equipped with peeing bats! This was no easy hike—I love hiking and have done it quite often in the past but this particular trail was definitely not hiker-friendly! There were some holes near the peak that were quite dangerous if one were to fall through it, not to mention spike-shaped rocks and wide gaps that perhaps would not be open to children in the States. YET, these adventurous children know no danger. They had to wait a while for Phii (me) to cross through.


One child ran ahead and yelled, “Wow! Phii Mydur, come look at this! This view is even more amazing than the one before!”

So I yelled, “Coming!”

A few minutes later, he shouts, “This view is SO incredible! Where are you, Phii Mydur? Hurry up?”

“Phii Mydur’s on her way,” I said.

A few minutes pass, he goes, “Phii Mydur, where in the world are you? How come you’re taking so long?! This view is amazing!”

So I said, “OH my gosh, I’m coming already!”


**I was in the process of crossing a bridge made of spikey rocks in between two massive boulders that required rock climbing.

Exploring caves, staring at screeching bats

The whole hiking team

The view at the top! Beautiful, isn't it?

These two girls, Sarah and Dia, picked me a beautiful bouquet of flowers! Doua asked them how they knew I liked flowers and Sarah answered, "Well, I don't know, she's just pretty." How sweet! I really connected with them.

Hanging out with the kids during free time

Mae Pow—Wisut’s House
After camp was over, we headed straight to Phii Wisut’s house where I met his family and the believers in their village. The first night, Lee introduced TEE (Theological education by extension) to the church leaders to see if anyone would be interested in the training program. It was good to see an experienced missionary to the Hmong seeking to train leaders in reaching their community. I spent the second day at Big C with Doua, eating ice cream and discussing church history among the Hmong in Thailand. She told me about the past problems that denominations had with one another and offered a few suggestions for future ministry. God has blessed me with such incredible people in my life!

There was also a dinner in Doua’s honor because of her generosity in giving a car to Wisut’s family. Because Wisut’s father is the pastor of the village, the whole church came over and cooked up a storm in their backyard. I joined in a bit just for fun, peeling and breaking stalks of “kav theej,” a bitter, fibrous vegetable often used in Hmong soups. My parents use it in their cooking too, though it was always dried since it isn’t native to the States. I thought I knew how to cook, but when I saw these ladies slicing and peeling away at the vegetables with only their hands and knives, I bowed down and kissed their feet (not literally).

Introducing TEE (Theological education by extension)

Meeting Pastor Nyiaj Ntxawg (Nhia Cher) and his wife

Doua and me enjoying ourselves. I just love this pic.

Joining in the cultural Hmong experience of cooking with the women of the village.

Random: taking out my contacts. This family has never seen this before, so they all gathered around and watched me do it!

Dinner in Tais Nruag’s honor for the car

On top of everything, I recently moved out of my small apartment into a condo that a friend had already paid for (for this month). It provides me with a nice break, considering everything that has happened these past few weeks. I’m glad to finally have some solitude and reflect over all that has happened since I came here to Thailand. Now, I just have to prepare for my transition to the States in planning out a long-term career here.

Lord, let give me the grace and mercy I need in walking down this path You have set for me. Pab kom kuv muaj laj lim tswvyim los ua taus Koj tes dejnum raws li Koj lub siab ntshaw.

Not-so-typical everyday life!

I can't believe it's getting near my sixth month anniversary being here in Thailand! :) I'm so grateful for each day that the Lord has given me here. Sometimes, I giggle myself to sleep at night thinking about all the crazy stories of my experience here in this foreign country.

For instance, just a few days ago, I had the privilege of going out to dinner with a few friends and meeting a ministry that worked specifically with the Hmong. They're called HCC (Hmong Christian Connection), supported by Open Door Ministries in doing underground work for closed countries. Doua Her keeps introduced me to the group as a future employee (haha). They are in need of translators, and as interesting as the organization sounds, I have many doubts that I'll be able to work for them any time soon considering my young age and lack of experience (not to mention language deficiency in Hmong!). So anyway, the board/committee wanted Doua to translate something to the Open Doors missionary from the Phillippines (Ronald) but she didn't want to because it was about her being nominated by the entire board to be their chairperson for this year. Well, since I spoke English, they asked me to translate instead. But while one of the board members was telling me about this, I thought to myself, "Okay...I can understand every word (except for the Thai word they used for "chairperson") but I can't seem to remember what all else he said." lol. SO...in trying to translate, I summed up his three minute speech to ten seconds. After this happened, I thought to myself, "Wow! I have such a looong way to go!"

Also two weeks ago, I was blessed to be learning in an environment with other passionate missionaries and evangelists. Biola University decided to meet at Payap University this semester so it wasn't too far from my apartment. I saw a few old faces from last semester as well as made new friends--other Christian workers from around the world as well as right here in the city of Chiang Mai! I had the privilege of getting to know these amazing people along with their ministries in countries such as China, Taiwan, Cambodia, Singapore, Korea, the Phillippines, Nigeria, Canada, etc. Although it was for only a brief period of time, I can now say that I am more knowledgeable about doing qualitative research as well as using storytelling as an evangelistic tool. How cool is that? :) And it's so relevant, too, when many villages don't read and write often, even if they can, to hear these stories, see it played out in drama, remember them, and pass them down for generations to come.

Elisa and I stop for a picture outside of our classroom



"Ethnographic Research Methods" class
Top row: Joshua (Wonhyeok) Song, James Hung, Mark Syn, Dr. Rich Starcher, Paul (Ka Ming) Au, Jake Romaniello
Front row: Anne Alexander, Sunny Hong, Esther You, me, Haedy Liu, Lisa Hoff

This week has been quite busy for me. I've been trying to nail my assignments as soon as possible so that I can focus on ministry for the rest of this semester (last semester, I procrastinated for one class and it completely stressed me out--that's not going to happen again!). I also made a friend while going out to dinner one night. His name is Gladstone Robert and he's a priest from CSI (Church of Southern India), apparently the largest Protestant church in all of India! He hasn't seen much of Thailand so I took on the liberty to show him around a bit. We went to visit my tutor's Thai church, Krisjak Mae Nam Haeng Chiwit (the River of Life Church), on Sunday as well as the Sunday Night Market. It's been nice getting to know him, his family, and his career and ministry. Sometimes, I tend to forget that priests are normal, everyday people--the outfits they were on Sundays can be quite intimidating, don't you think? :) After all, two of my favorite undergrad professors are Anglican priests and they're as cool and laid back as anyone else.

Gladstone at the Sunday Market; my Thai tutor, Than, me, and Rev. Gladstone

Stopping for a picture with little Thai dancers at the Sunday Night Market!

I also went out with a team (or a class, I should say) from Minnesota with Dr. Jim Lewis of Bethel University. This group was learning about Religious traditions of Buddhism at Payap University. After hearing Dr. Lewis give a lecture about ethnic minorities from Vietnam, specifically the Hmong, we spoke about our dear friend, Doua. I was then invited with his class on exploring the the Hmong village of Nong Huay Mai. There, we watched Doua evangelize, heard her testimony, was welcomed by her friends into their home and heard their faith story, was served authentic Hmong food consisting of soup and stir-fry with rice, and returned home. It was very encouraging to see Dr. Lewis's passion for the Hmong.

Dr. Lewis, Doua Her, Meryl Lewis, me, and the class from Bethel University

Caitlyn and me in front of the mountains of the Hong Pong villages (there's three!)

Hmong meal of kale with pork soup, stir-fried cabbage with pork, and rice

Aside from doing homework, learning Thai, and meeting with friends for coffee, I finally had the opportunity to visit Yai See (one of the church members at Songsawang Church). She is a very sweet elderly lady who always keeps me company at church. When I arrived at her home yesterday, she was very happy to see me, despite the fact that she wasn't doing very well. There had been problems with her ankle, her eyes, her stomach, and with arthritus in her fingers and joints. She always tells me how painful it is. Plus, she recently told me how she had recently been involved in a motorbike accident and almost lost her life--but praise be to God, she's still alive! :) We had dinner together. I gave her a watermelon from the market, she gave me a few oranges and some clothes for winter that she had promised me earlier (even though the cold weather has for the most part already passed).

Visiting Yai See at her home

Yai See's daughter, Pah Raa Thanah

Mother and daughter

Counting My Blessings

At the Hmong New Year celebration with friends from CMA church

Christmas at Songsawang Church with Thai friends, Phii Yui, Nok, and Bo

Special songs being sung at the Christmas outreach at Songsawang Church


Girls from the Hmong Foundation leading games at an outreach Christmas event at a Hmong village

The Hmong Foundation's Christmas outreach to the community of Chiang Khong

30 December 2009

Counting My Blessings

Father God has been so good to me. His ways are so mysterious…I don’t understand why He works the way that He does, but I’m sure glad that He’s in control. I know without a doubt that without Him in my life, I would be a nervous wreck. Well…I still feel like a nervous wreck sometimes but at least I have the presence of an Almighty God at my side who can tip any situation in any direction He sees fit! I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right? ;)

Anyhow, the past few weeks have been some of the most stressful for me. I was finishing up on final research papers for my M.A. program, wrapping up English lessons at the church, joining events such as Christmas parties, Hmong New Celebrations, doing Christmas shopping, moving out on my own, mission board assignments, and then going to Chiang Khong and back. In fact, I just came back two days ago, had to rent a motorbike for the next month, learn the vocabulary to know how to rent it as well as how to find my way around town so I could get back home on my own. I ended up getting lost a few times in Chiang Mai but because God takes care of His children, I came back home safely! J I remember being on the road and thinking, What was my dad thinking when he let his little girl live in a foreign country by herself? Did he know that within five months time, she would get lost in a crazy city and not know enough of the language to find her way back home? It was also getting dark.

At that moment, I heard a voice that said, Yeah, but you’re here because of Me, aren’t you?

I answered, “…yeah…”

Then trust that I will get you home safely.

I paused, let out a deep breath, and thought to myself, Okay, I just need to trust…trust…wow, what an adventure! And with that, I smiled, looked up, and saw an officer approach me. I told him the area where I lived in which he lead the way for a few minutes and then gave me directions to get home (in Thai, of course). When I arrived in my room, I let out a BIG sigh of relief, got down on my knees, and praised God for His goodness! :)

The next day, I found that I had no money to get my next meal. I thought to myself, Wow…what am I going to do? Then again came that voice that whispered, trust. I also heard Him go on to say, Do you really think that I am going to let you go hungry? I was then reminded of a something I read in the book, Brushko, when the missionary in there said, “I’ve learned to expect my paycheck in the mail right when I need it.” So I thought, Okay, here goes to trust. I’ll just check my balance again online and if I have enough, I’ll withdraw what I need. So I checked it and voila! I had just enough to rent a motorbike (which is necessary where I live) along with a couple of meals to last me for a bit.

My whole experience here so far has been so strange…yet, because God continually shows me how His hand is at work, it has been the richest and by far the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. The other week, I had a cultural identity crisis (long story—if you want to know the details, just ask). I’m also finding that there are all kinds of insecurities in me popping up everywhere. It’s no wonder that mentors are recommended (and often times, deemed necessary according to some mission agencies). It’s also true what I’ve learned in my cross-cultural classes—that problems only seem to be magnified on the mission field. I’ve been evaluating many things that have occurred since my being here. I’ve learned that when God calls, you just have to go without delay and trust that He will equip you with everything you need to accomplish His will. Don’t get me wrong—I believe preparation is a very important factor in missions. However, with the unique scenario that I’ve been given, I’ve learned that you can’t let anything hold you back when God makes His calling clear.

May Father God be praised through the wonderful community that He has given me here. By His grace, I’m surrounded by the blessing of a rich Thai community, a rich Hmong community, and rich relationships with other missionaries as well who are going through the same struggles as I am. This past month, I started struggling with feelings of homesickness, especially during Christmas season. Yet, I cannot help but look around and be grateful for the new family I have right here in Thailand. Indeed, the Lord provides everything I need to accomplish His will. I keep in touch with my family back home quite often and am always grateful for their love and support. But I also know that this is a new season in my life where God is doing many things like I’ve never seen Him done before.

I am encouraged to be able to observe what my brothers and sisters in Christ are doing here for the Kingdom among their nonbelieving friends and neighbors. What joy it brings me to see them have enough love for their community to refrain from withholding a gift that is too precious to keep for themselves— the perfect gift of Jesus Christ from whom all true, pure love stems from and our sole source hope.

I am greatly strengthened by Romans 8:32 (HCSB):

“He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?”

What I like about this verse is that it doesn’t really pertain to financial gain, but it specifically refers to everything: spiritual, emotional, financial, and whatever other needs we have. It’s talking about God’s elect and the power given to us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Even the subheading before this verse, at least in the Holman Christian version, reads, “The Believer’s Triumph.” Amen, right? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. He is in control of our every circumstance and He deserves our undivided adoration and worship.

Let us then embrace this new year, being comforted by the fact that God our Father will never leave our side (Deut. 31:6).

Looking Ahead with Eyes of Faith

9 December 2009

Father God has always been so good to me. Even now, His faithfulness never lets me down. I let myself down all the time when I find that my memory fails or my abilities aren’t enough to accomplish something I fervently desire. Yet, praise be to God that He is perfect in ever y way and can always do the impossible.

Yesterday when I was in Bangkok getting an extension on my visa, I had irresponsibly left a very important document that was necessary for the process—my work permit. Because I had to get it done that very day, I had to pay a fortune for a friend to bring it up from Chiang Mai by plane. Consequently, I was very upset because I was already on a tight budget and more importantly, I was not being a faithful steward of the resources that God has provided for me.
Coincidentally, however, the night before, I was praying to the Lord and said, “God, I want to see Your mighty power. I want to see Your hand move in my life. Please bring me to such a reliance on You that I will have to get on my knees and face before You.” Right after I said that, I had a feeling that Satan was listening in and said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see how much faith you have in your God.” It was from that moment on that I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. And sure enough, when I was already on the bus on my way to Bangkok, I realized that I had left my work permit in my room.

Even though my lawyer already had copies of it, it wouldn’t suffice for the original. And even after my friend, Phii Nok, brought the work permit to me in Bangkok, the office claimed that they might not be able to do the one-year extension since it was supposed to be done in that morning (apparently the afternoon was too late). Needless to say, I was very upset—but then again, what could I do? The only thing I could do was pray and ask that God would be sovereign over the entire situation and do what He sees fit.

On another note, I’ve been caught up in many problems of my own—so much that I can barely see anything beyond them. My tasks are piling up on me like crazy and I’m finding that the smallest things are increasingly getting on my nerves. Is this what’s supposed to happen in the fourth month to missionaries? Whatever the case, I was certainly throwing myself a pity-party. The day before yesterday, I was at a friend’s house for a Christmas gathering. There were many new faces, most of which already had a good amount of cross-cultural experience to which I can relate. However, in my sad state, I did not feel like talking or getting to know anyone. I was completely not in the mood to put a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. Concerning this, God gave me some verses this morning that has greatly encouraged my heart:

“For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17-18).

“Moses left Egypt behind not being afraid of the King’s anger, for he persevered, as one who sees Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27).

It’s just so difficult right now with changes that are coming up ahead very soon. The more need I’m finding here, the more difficult I find it is to discern God’s calling for me. After all, His Word does say, “Where I am, there my servant also will be,” and not the other way around. It’s tempting to simply make my own plans and ask the Lord to bless them. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is really for God or if it’s just for the feeling of knowing that I’m doing something good in the world, regardless of His hand in it or not. It’s certainly by His grace that I’m kept from deviating onto the path of Humanism—but I can’t help but wonder if my being here in Thailand is really making a difference in the Kingdom. Am I here to serve the needs of man, all of which are temporary, or am I here because an Almighty God has called me to make an eternal difference in the lives of His children here [in Thailand]?

One thing I know for sure: God has definitely called me here for His purposes. All that I’ve gone through so far and all that awaits me ahead are things that He’s using to purify me for His will. He’s training me and making sure my heart is in the right place before He can entrust me to take on bigger tasks. I simply need to be humble and obedient, trusting that my life isn’t determined by circumstances that change all the time, but God’s constant power working through them to magnify His strength and glory through my weaknesses. And now then, even when my own understanding can’t be trusted (Prov. 3:15-16), and even though I need to abandon the habit of planning out every detail of my life and to resist the urge to flee in the midst of the slightest problems, I merely ask the Lord to show me His paths of righteousness, His commandments and statutes, that I may walk in them, delight in them, trust in Him, and give Him the glory due to His name all the days of my life.

Psalm 16:5 (Hmong Translation)

Tus Tswv, Koj yog txhua yam uas kuv muaj, thiab Koj pub txhua yam uas kuv xav tau rau kuv; kuv lub neej yav tom ntej nyob hauv Koj lub xibteb.

Lord, You are everything that I have and You give me everything that I need; my future is in Your hands.

Some thoughts after a recent visit to a Hmong village...

Doua Her leading a woman to Christ: It took more than half a day of talking and spending time with this woman to convince her that ignorance and family relations shouldn't be a barrier for her to make the decision to put her hope in Christ

A typical Hmong house in the village made of bamboo and sticks

This girl not more than four years old was baby-sitting her baby brother by carrying him on her back around town

Going to the Hmong village with Doua Her has been such a wonderful experience. She is truly a wonderful woman of God and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. When we talk, she has so many stories and experiences to reflect on that it’s amazing how she never runs out! Haha. I love having conversations with her. It’s like talking with a long time friend—you just never get tired of talking about God’s faithfulness and how He has worked in your lives as well as your loved ones.

One thing that really caught my attention was how hospitable many Hmong villagers are—they’ll invite you to sit down, eat, and would talk about anything for the longest time. You can keep talking with them about the many problems and hardships that they have faced in life and you can tell them about Christ, but before they are willing to accept Him as Lord and Savior, most of the time I’ve heard them say that they’re going to wait first for whatever reason. I think it usually has to do with their relatives since making such a big decision usually involves not only the individual, but their family and clan as well. Never before had Luke 9:59-61 made any more sense than now:

He [Jesus] said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."
Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family."

I had always thought to myself, What’s the big deal if you let them go and say good-bye to their family first? There’s no harm in that, right? Obviously, Jesus knew that if they went, they would never make the critical decision of following him. I heard a preacher say once that the man who wanted to bury his father didn’t mean that his father was already dead at the time. He wanted to first wait for the death of his father, bury him, and then, if he still wanted to, he’ll put his faith in Jesus. And believe me, I’ve heard many Hmong people (even in the States) say that before! “Oh, so and so doesn’t really approve of Jesus so I’m going to wait for him/her to die first and then I’ll believe.” Another important thing to note is that in the Hmong culture, it’s rude to say no to someone who makes a request. Therefore, even if you’re not going to do something, you just tell them that you’re going to do it (to save the other person face) and then they’ll find out later that you didn’t mean it.

In my personal opinion, it seems that the Hmong like to stay in their comfort zone. Perhaps that’s why for the past century and a half, as far as our historical documents date back in the mid 1800s, it’s been noted that we are a hill-tribe minority that prefer to live in the mountains, carrying on the traditional life of farming as our ancestors did before us. Even some Hmong videos that I have watched before interviewed a couple of teenagers in Laos. They said that the elders refused to allow them go to go school because no one would help them work in the fields nor would they have anyone to look after them in their old age. And, with the youth marrying at such a young age, they are likely to start a family and farm just like everyone else. When your culture tells you who you’re going to be and exactly how you’re going to do it, more than likely, you will to fit into that mold like everyone else—not to mention the fact that it’s also rude to speak otherwise against your elders.

But don’t get me wrong—it’s not entirely the elders’ fault. It’s difficult for the youth to have motivation as well. For those who aren’t used to having an education, getting used to the process of studying and turning in homework at a certain time may be quite a challenge. It’s also good to keep in mind that hill-tribe kids, even here in Thailand, do not have the opportunity at such a young age to develop motor skills by participating in various activities. Many times when I’ve asked a couple youth in the villages about obtaining a higher education, many have said, “Oh, it’s too hard...all the studying hurts my head. I’m better off working in the fields…” I just want to yell, “No, it’s not! You can do it! Just pray and God will help you make it through! That’s how I did it! Otherwise, I would have never been able to finish the way I did…”

Still, leading a modern life may be a difficult concept to grasp for those who are not motivated. Change in one’s lifestyle, being away from family, relatives, and friends, everything you’ve ever known, and having to learn another language to get around in the bigger cities just may be too much for anyone to handle.

Yet, I can’t help but ask myself how relevant their lifestyle is compared to the fact that they are truly living joyously for Jesus right where they are. So what if they never get to enjoy the same lifestyle I have? Are they truly enjoying their lives with the peace, joy, and freedom that only the Holy Spirit can give them? And are they truly committed to the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength and living according to all that God demands of them? If that’s the case, then nothing else should matter.

Yet, there are just such strong barriers that are keeping the Gospel from penetrating the culture. Stubborn bonds of following ancient tradition, religion, and culture keep many from pondering the truth for themselves—they simply follow what has been because it’s simply easier.
I mean, being “led as a flock of sheep to slaughter” doesn’t seem to be as costly as someone taking a stand against the crowd and taking the beating, suffering, and hardship that comes with it (despite the fact that this person may be working toward a cause that might possibly stop all the sheep from facing such an untimely death altogether). If figures such as Martin Luther, James Hudson Taylor, Martin Luther King Jr., and especially Jesus Christ, hadn’t stood up against this crown mentality, who knows how pitiful our lives would be today?

Many Hmong leaders have met before and discussed why the Hmong are the way that they are—why, after so many years of hard labor in the mountains, why they are still impoverished, destitute, and uneducated. I am reminded of the old saying, “If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results.” How similar is that mentality to those of us who live in the States, who seek only our own comfort in this life with the mindset of “the survival of the fittest”?

I am now absolutely convinced that no matter where you are or what you do, if it’s not compelled by a genuine love from God for God and for your neighbor, then whatever you do or wherever you are, whether rich or poor, comfortable or not, you’re useless and you’re going to be tossed in the fire along with all the chaff when He gathers His wheat into the barn (Matt. 3:17).

Is the Honeymoon Stage Over?

Yes! It's been just a little over three months since I've been here. God has worked amazing miracles in my life over here so far...more than I'll probably comprehend in this lifetime. Trust has been a major factor in our relationship. It always seemed like something was going on...I was never fully able to be still. Even now, as my tire went flat on the motorcycle this morning and I had to walk to a nearby repair shop, I stopped and noticed the beautiful scenery around me. The trees and vegetation around me still seemed as green as ever--but they were noticeably brighter for me today. Seeing palm trees used to make me happy in the States. They're quite common here so I don't really pay much mind to them anymore...but when I do, they make me smile again^^

There's just been so much going on inside my head lately. I feel like it'll take me quite some time to sort through it all and figure out everything. Even in times where I had the opportunity to chat with friends and talk, I find myself speechless. Why? I don't really know...I've just been contemplating a lot about all that has happened and all that might lay ahead for me in the near future. Many times, I wonder why my life is the way that it is. It hurts when some who are so dear and close to me, and have been Christian role models in my life, don't even consider what I'm doing right now as a living.

I have often thought about what I would be doing if I was still in the States. I would probably get a normal job, probably at a clothing store for part-time work or some office job since I've had some experience with that. However, I don't think that my life would have the same meaning as it would today if God hadn't led me here. And yes!! I'm sure of that now--it was truly God who led me here because so many things could have gone wrong. And it always seemed like the doors were closing, but they would open at the last second. You've got to love how God works! :) I'm glad He makes us so dependent on Him.

Things are consistently changing. I have really come to know that I can't put my hope in anything else in this world except God alone--not people, not money, and especially not my own ability. I heard a quote the other day that said, "God makes Himself manifest in those who would otherwise never be able to make it on their own." I laughed out loud and thought to myself, Well, if that's the case, that I must be really sad then! But it makes me glad because I know that I would never trade that joy that I have today for anything else in the entire world. I'm glad that I'm weak because then God can fill me with His strength and allow me to experience the joy that comes with trusting in His provision, trusting in His abilities, and trusting that everything will be okay even if the situation seems dark on every side. Praise be to God who always triumphs over evil! "Light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it!" -John 1:5.

People have told me before that I was stupid for striving for such a job as being a missionary. They've seen how ambitious I was and how hard I tried keeping my grades up. Yet, when they hear about my dream job, they look down at me in disgust as if I was a beggar on the streets. I've got to be honest--anyone who is in their right mind (in the world's eyes) would not choose a career as a missionary. I've convinced myself that if I was to try and obtain self-glory, I would have chosen a better method. Yet, praise be to God that I'm not in my right mind (in the world's eyes) because my mind has been renewed through Christ (Rom. 12:2)! It's Him who works through me and it's Him in whom I have my living, my moving, my being! It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me...

One last verse that has encouraged me is this: "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up." -Galatians 6:9