Counting My Blessings

At the Hmong New Year celebration with friends from CMA church

Christmas at Songsawang Church with Thai friends, Phii Yui, Nok, and Bo

Special songs being sung at the Christmas outreach at Songsawang Church


Girls from the Hmong Foundation leading games at an outreach Christmas event at a Hmong village

The Hmong Foundation's Christmas outreach to the community of Chiang Khong

30 December 2009

Counting My Blessings

Father God has been so good to me. His ways are so mysterious…I don’t understand why He works the way that He does, but I’m sure glad that He’s in control. I know without a doubt that without Him in my life, I would be a nervous wreck. Well…I still feel like a nervous wreck sometimes but at least I have the presence of an Almighty God at my side who can tip any situation in any direction He sees fit! I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right? ;)

Anyhow, the past few weeks have been some of the most stressful for me. I was finishing up on final research papers for my M.A. program, wrapping up English lessons at the church, joining events such as Christmas parties, Hmong New Celebrations, doing Christmas shopping, moving out on my own, mission board assignments, and then going to Chiang Khong and back. In fact, I just came back two days ago, had to rent a motorbike for the next month, learn the vocabulary to know how to rent it as well as how to find my way around town so I could get back home on my own. I ended up getting lost a few times in Chiang Mai but because God takes care of His children, I came back home safely! J I remember being on the road and thinking, What was my dad thinking when he let his little girl live in a foreign country by herself? Did he know that within five months time, she would get lost in a crazy city and not know enough of the language to find her way back home? It was also getting dark.

At that moment, I heard a voice that said, Yeah, but you’re here because of Me, aren’t you?

I answered, “…yeah…”

Then trust that I will get you home safely.

I paused, let out a deep breath, and thought to myself, Okay, I just need to trust…trust…wow, what an adventure! And with that, I smiled, looked up, and saw an officer approach me. I told him the area where I lived in which he lead the way for a few minutes and then gave me directions to get home (in Thai, of course). When I arrived in my room, I let out a BIG sigh of relief, got down on my knees, and praised God for His goodness! :)

The next day, I found that I had no money to get my next meal. I thought to myself, Wow…what am I going to do? Then again came that voice that whispered, trust. I also heard Him go on to say, Do you really think that I am going to let you go hungry? I was then reminded of a something I read in the book, Brushko, when the missionary in there said, “I’ve learned to expect my paycheck in the mail right when I need it.” So I thought, Okay, here goes to trust. I’ll just check my balance again online and if I have enough, I’ll withdraw what I need. So I checked it and voila! I had just enough to rent a motorbike (which is necessary where I live) along with a couple of meals to last me for a bit.

My whole experience here so far has been so strange…yet, because God continually shows me how His hand is at work, it has been the richest and by far the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. The other week, I had a cultural identity crisis (long story—if you want to know the details, just ask). I’m also finding that there are all kinds of insecurities in me popping up everywhere. It’s no wonder that mentors are recommended (and often times, deemed necessary according to some mission agencies). It’s also true what I’ve learned in my cross-cultural classes—that problems only seem to be magnified on the mission field. I’ve been evaluating many things that have occurred since my being here. I’ve learned that when God calls, you just have to go without delay and trust that He will equip you with everything you need to accomplish His will. Don’t get me wrong—I believe preparation is a very important factor in missions. However, with the unique scenario that I’ve been given, I’ve learned that you can’t let anything hold you back when God makes His calling clear.

May Father God be praised through the wonderful community that He has given me here. By His grace, I’m surrounded by the blessing of a rich Thai community, a rich Hmong community, and rich relationships with other missionaries as well who are going through the same struggles as I am. This past month, I started struggling with feelings of homesickness, especially during Christmas season. Yet, I cannot help but look around and be grateful for the new family I have right here in Thailand. Indeed, the Lord provides everything I need to accomplish His will. I keep in touch with my family back home quite often and am always grateful for their love and support. But I also know that this is a new season in my life where God is doing many things like I’ve never seen Him done before.

I am encouraged to be able to observe what my brothers and sisters in Christ are doing here for the Kingdom among their nonbelieving friends and neighbors. What joy it brings me to see them have enough love for their community to refrain from withholding a gift that is too precious to keep for themselves— the perfect gift of Jesus Christ from whom all true, pure love stems from and our sole source hope.

I am greatly strengthened by Romans 8:32 (HCSB):

“He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?”

What I like about this verse is that it doesn’t really pertain to financial gain, but it specifically refers to everything: spiritual, emotional, financial, and whatever other needs we have. It’s talking about God’s elect and the power given to us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Even the subheading before this verse, at least in the Holman Christian version, reads, “The Believer’s Triumph.” Amen, right? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. He is in control of our every circumstance and He deserves our undivided adoration and worship.

Let us then embrace this new year, being comforted by the fact that God our Father will never leave our side (Deut. 31:6).

Looking Ahead with Eyes of Faith

9 December 2009

Father God has always been so good to me. Even now, His faithfulness never lets me down. I let myself down all the time when I find that my memory fails or my abilities aren’t enough to accomplish something I fervently desire. Yet, praise be to God that He is perfect in ever y way and can always do the impossible.

Yesterday when I was in Bangkok getting an extension on my visa, I had irresponsibly left a very important document that was necessary for the process—my work permit. Because I had to get it done that very day, I had to pay a fortune for a friend to bring it up from Chiang Mai by plane. Consequently, I was very upset because I was already on a tight budget and more importantly, I was not being a faithful steward of the resources that God has provided for me.
Coincidentally, however, the night before, I was praying to the Lord and said, “God, I want to see Your mighty power. I want to see Your hand move in my life. Please bring me to such a reliance on You that I will have to get on my knees and face before You.” Right after I said that, I had a feeling that Satan was listening in and said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see how much faith you have in your God.” It was from that moment on that I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. And sure enough, when I was already on the bus on my way to Bangkok, I realized that I had left my work permit in my room.

Even though my lawyer already had copies of it, it wouldn’t suffice for the original. And even after my friend, Phii Nok, brought the work permit to me in Bangkok, the office claimed that they might not be able to do the one-year extension since it was supposed to be done in that morning (apparently the afternoon was too late). Needless to say, I was very upset—but then again, what could I do? The only thing I could do was pray and ask that God would be sovereign over the entire situation and do what He sees fit.

On another note, I’ve been caught up in many problems of my own—so much that I can barely see anything beyond them. My tasks are piling up on me like crazy and I’m finding that the smallest things are increasingly getting on my nerves. Is this what’s supposed to happen in the fourth month to missionaries? Whatever the case, I was certainly throwing myself a pity-party. The day before yesterday, I was at a friend’s house for a Christmas gathering. There were many new faces, most of which already had a good amount of cross-cultural experience to which I can relate. However, in my sad state, I did not feel like talking or getting to know anyone. I was completely not in the mood to put a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. Concerning this, God gave me some verses this morning that has greatly encouraged my heart:

“For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17-18).

“Moses left Egypt behind not being afraid of the King’s anger, for he persevered, as one who sees Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27).

It’s just so difficult right now with changes that are coming up ahead very soon. The more need I’m finding here, the more difficult I find it is to discern God’s calling for me. After all, His Word does say, “Where I am, there my servant also will be,” and not the other way around. It’s tempting to simply make my own plans and ask the Lord to bless them. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is really for God or if it’s just for the feeling of knowing that I’m doing something good in the world, regardless of His hand in it or not. It’s certainly by His grace that I’m kept from deviating onto the path of Humanism—but I can’t help but wonder if my being here in Thailand is really making a difference in the Kingdom. Am I here to serve the needs of man, all of which are temporary, or am I here because an Almighty God has called me to make an eternal difference in the lives of His children here [in Thailand]?

One thing I know for sure: God has definitely called me here for His purposes. All that I’ve gone through so far and all that awaits me ahead are things that He’s using to purify me for His will. He’s training me and making sure my heart is in the right place before He can entrust me to take on bigger tasks. I simply need to be humble and obedient, trusting that my life isn’t determined by circumstances that change all the time, but God’s constant power working through them to magnify His strength and glory through my weaknesses. And now then, even when my own understanding can’t be trusted (Prov. 3:15-16), and even though I need to abandon the habit of planning out every detail of my life and to resist the urge to flee in the midst of the slightest problems, I merely ask the Lord to show me His paths of righteousness, His commandments and statutes, that I may walk in them, delight in them, trust in Him, and give Him the glory due to His name all the days of my life.

Psalm 16:5 (Hmong Translation)

Tus Tswv, Koj yog txhua yam uas kuv muaj, thiab Koj pub txhua yam uas kuv xav tau rau kuv; kuv lub neej yav tom ntej nyob hauv Koj lub xibteb.

Lord, You are everything that I have and You give me everything that I need; my future is in Your hands.