I am reminded of the time a few weeks ago when I went with pastor and missionary Doua Her to the Hmong village of Hwuay Haan to see a man about a problem he was having at a funeral. His mother-in-law had passed away and he wanted to kill her a cow according to Hmong tradition. However, because he was a believer, he did not want to offer the pieces of meat to the deceased ancestors of long ago. He simply wanted to do it in her honor (story to be continued).
While this man was still discussing the problem with Doua, Grandpa (as I like to call him) Nhia Tou Xiong (Nyiaj Tub Xyooj) and I were sitting outside his house just talking about ministry and a couple of other things. After having a few laughs about his experience in China with their bathrooms, he asked me why I came to Thailand. I then told him the whole story about my testimony—the suicide attempt, the vision, and the fellowship I had with God afterwards (full story on the tab above). And with that, he then presented me with a few more questions.
“How did you know it was God talking to you?” he asked.
“Well, I know now that it was God because all the words He gave me were straight from the Bible. But at first, I thought it was just me talking to myself,” I replied.
“I mean, it was a voice I heard from inside my heart," I continued. "So, I thought that maybe I was just thinking about it too much. But then I asked Him one day and said, 'God, how do I know that it’s really You talking to me? How do I know that You’re real?'”
And then I heard a voice that said, “Lift up your eyes and look at the grass of the field; the trees, the flowers, and all that is in this world…I am the One who created them all.”
And with that, I heard Grandpa sniffle. I tried to go on with my story but found myself crying, too, at the greatness of our God.
“Why…” Grandpa asked. “Why…such a girl like you…that He would even consider and spare your life from a dreadful fate…” A few minutes passed by as he went on. "And now, to set you aside for a special task; to dedicate your life, and take you from the comforts of your home in the States and back to the country of the origin of our people..."
We just sat there for about ten minutes in silence, marveling at the grace of God towards mankind. I was reminded of the Psalm 8:4, which says, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Certainly we couldn't do anything in our own power to make ourselves worthy before a Holy and Just God.
Just then, Grandpa suddenly inquired, “Why did He choose to speak specifically to you? Why do you get the pleasure of hearing His voice?”
“Well…” I started. “I honestly don’t know. I mean, I obviously didn’t do anything that would be worthy of His attention. I mean, I was trying to kill myself.” I admit that this was indeed a question that many people have asked me before. Yet, I don’t know why I have the honor of being comforted and consoled by Him personally. I knew without a doubt that it was certainly something I couldn't boast about. Yet, I didn't understand why God would choose to speak to me in such a miraculous way. Some time later, while I was pondering about this particular situation, a verse was gently pressed onto my heart:
Psalm 34:18
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”
And there it is. This verse tells us that it is simply our heavenly Father's nature to be near to the broken-hearted and crushed in spirit. At eight years old, I didn’t have anyone who would be able to help me the way I needed them to. The Lord and I also both knew that I was surely going to plunge the knife into my stomach. So, why would He save me in my distress? What could I have possibly meant to Him that He would divinely intervene to stop me from committing such a heinous act? Just this: that He loved me so much, He gave up His own life in exchange for mine.
John 3:16
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son; that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life”
1 John 2:2 (ESV)
"He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world"
